My mother was very complicated. I can’t remember ever being hugged by her. She never said “I love you” or told me I was pretty. She was strict and I was afraid to upset her because she scared me. I can’t remember her tucking me in bed or kissing me goodnight. Despite her emotional limitations and the sad look in her eyes, I
was blessed with the best mother who loved her children unconditionally and devoted her life to her four children. I learned from her that actions speak volumes and saying “I love you “is just words . My mother also would never say goodbye. I asked her why and she told me she doesn’t say goodbye because one day goodbye would be the last goodbye. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving us. My mom and I had issues of course because we were a lot alike. My mother I found out was married to a abusive alcoholic playboy who stayed out late with his buddies, and left my mother home till the wee hours of the morning. I know one thing he broke her heart and that is probably when she stopped saying those three little words, I love you. She went to Cuba and got a quick divorce and met my Dad at a dance a few years later. On their first date my Dad she ordered a lot of drinks and my dad dropped her off and told her he liked her but thought she had to work out some personal issues. A year later he called my mom and asked her if she wanted to have dinner. They married a year later . My mom was a glamorous woman who never thought she would be the mother of four children. As I got older I understood why she was not affectionate because a piece of her never recovered from her first marriage. My dad was full of hugs and told me he loved me everyday. My mom and dad loved their family and gave us a privileged childhood. My father started a corrugated box company in 1960 with a phone service and a old blue van. By 1970 he had a growing company and moved to Long Island. My dad got very ill and my mom ran the business in NYC. She was a book keeper after High School and kept the business going while my dad was recovering. Three months later my dad returned to work and my mom never quit. She finally found something she loved to do and worked side by side with my dad for the next thirty years. They worked so hard and were self made millionaires by 1980. When my dad died in 2000 my mother ran the business with my brother. She refused to retire because she loved what she did and she didn’t need the money and spent a lot of it on me, my sisters and grandchildren. Money doesn’t buy love but it was her way to express what she could not verbally say. My mom always called at 7:30 every night. She was always there for me in every way. Then something changed when I had my two daughters, she would hug them and tell them how much she loved them. I was so glad she finally made peace with herself. She passed away suddenly in 2006 in her sleep. I never got to say goodbye. In loving memory of my beloved mother.