Category: Loving yourself

This Princess has Scars 


I have scars some have been the result of a terrible rare disease that nearly destroyed the right side of my face. I was only 11 years old when this disease without a name suddenly appeared. I was seen by so many top doctors and specialists in NYC and nobody could diagnose what was happening to me.

Running out of options my desperate parents were recommended to see one of most respected innovative Dermotologists name Norman Oreintriech . His client list included Elizabeth Taylor, Andy Wahol , Cary Grant and so many others.


Dr Oreintriech was intimadating when my mother took me to see him for a consultation when I was twelve. He took a look at my face and told my mom “I have    never took on such a young patient, but, I am willing to try to fix the damage done to her face because even though she has terrible scars I can see how beautiful she was and will we be again.” Then he added “Honestly, if I saw no potential and if she was below average looking, I would tell you to not waste your money and your time and just take her home.” I still remember how those words changed my life and how it to be given “HOPE.”

       Dr Norman Orientriech gave me my life back. He slowly filled up face with small monthly amounts of silicone every month. I waited for hours sometimes in his waiting room filled with well dressed very attractive NYC socialite types of women. When I finally saw the doctor he would take photos of my face and inject over 100 or so painful silicone injections into my right upper lip and lower cheek and chin area until the small vial containing the carefully measured monthly amount of silicone was empty.The whole routine took about 5 minutes.  He would barely say anything to me or my mom except “See you next month.”

I teenage years were taken away from me socially. I still had tons of girlfriends who were “True Friends” and never left my side while I was disfiqured. They treated me exactly the same although there lives were all about going to parties and having boyfriends. I wasn’t jealous, I listened to their stories and was happy for them. If somebody in school made fun of me or called me things like “Scarface” and one of my many popular friends were present they would defend me and verbally attack  these few immature mostly male bastards.

Over 100,000 dollars and over a 100 or so monthly trips to Dr. Norman Orientreich , my face was finally almost scar free. The scars I endured battleing this illness emotionally would still haunt me till this day.

I was 22 years old, engaged and well, okay quite beautiful the last time I saw Dr. Norman Orientriech. I was all grown up and Dr. Orientriech looked younger every time I saw him over the past 10 years. He was now developing skin care products for Nuetrogena and Clinique . That day we both decided that I didn’t need any more injections. His job was done and the promise he made my mom and me over 10 years prior came true.

Mr. Orientriech wished me well and hugged me tight and like always he was in a rush to see his next patient but I could see he had tears in his eyes.

That was over 30 years ago.

On this Father’s Day I want to dedicate this post to Dr. Orientriech a dedicated dermotologist who invented so many skin products and procedures years before other top doctors in his field. He is also a loving father. His son David and daughter Catherine are both Dermotologists have their practice in the same NYC office.

I saw David Orientriech a few weeks ago for some touch-up work on my face. He told me that his dad was now retired and 90 years old.

At the end of visit David Orientreich looked at me closely and said to me “I finally know who the girl in the photo still sitting on his father’s desk for so many years is!”

“It’s you!” The girl in the photo was me indeed. What a honor!

Happy Fathers Day Dr. Norman Orientriech ❤️

 

 

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Love This Princess Right


 If you are in a relationship like the one described in the above photo you are loved.

 If not you may want to take a step back and take a long look in the mirror. Do you look happy and feel loved? If not you should re-evaluate your current relationship and ask yourself “Don’t I deserve to be respected and adored.?

    The answer is “yes.” 


Is your crown  slipping????  If so maybe this relationship isn’t meant to be. If you are put down, insulted, controlled, sad, and cry more than you laugh  ….. walk away now. 

 You don’t destroy people you love.

My Princess Daughter Goes To Work

 

   A few months ago my 17 year old daughter Nikki came home and said “Guess what happened today?” Before I even had a chance to reply she burst out “I got a job mommy!”
     She totally caught me off guard considering the fact I had no idea she was even looking for one. She went on to tell me that she was in her favorite local boutique, Reign,where she frequently shopped and summoned up the courage to ask the owner if they were hiring. 

     The owner smiled and  asked her some basic questions about what grade she was in and her age. When my daughter informed her she was 17 and finishing up her Junior year in high school.  The owner then told her that she normally only hires college age girls that have some prior retail experience. Instead of taking her comments as a rejection, my daughter didn’t get intimidated and told the the owner that she loves fashion and was a quick learner. The owner was suddenly listening now! Nikki added that she lived minutes away from the store and had her own car to get there. Impressed by her attitude and determination looked Nikki up and down and commented “You certainly have the right look and style to work here.” Then she hired Nikki on the spot. 

     It wasn’t a easy transition for Nikki who suddenly had give up her after school naps and couldn’t hang out with her friends as often especially since she worked almost every weekend. She made some personal sacrifices but when she started to get weekly paychecks she had a new found sense of independence and I watched my little girl transform into a beautiful responsible young woman. 

    On my birthday she bought me a beautiful pair of Tori Burch sandels. I was so touched because I knew how many hours she worked to pay for them. I told her she shouldn’t have spent so much of her own money on a gift fot me but she dissagreed and said “Mommy, it’s the first time I bought you a present you deserve because I love you so much!” Of course I cried. 

     Nikki continued to work and she would come home with stories about customers who she helped find the “perfect” outfit to wear for a special ocassion or a college student who needed a whole new wardrobe. Nikki told me how she so good she felt  when she saw a customer smiling as they looked at themself  in the mirror in a outfit she helped them pick out. 

     That was about six months ago and my daughter still works there. It took very little time to prove to owner she made the right decision. Only about a month after she started working , the owner told her that although she was the youngest employee she ever hired and proved to be a valuable asset to her very busy boutique. She even was named “salesperson of the month” that affirmed  Nikki was doing a excellent job at Reign. 

      I also shop in this trendy store where I now even get a 20 percent discount! A perk of being Nikki’s mom. Lol. One day when I was in the store the owner pulled me aside and told me that Nikki was loved by her customers and the store staff. “I am adopting Nikki,” she joked.  “You can have her until she leaves in a year for college.” I jokingly repied.Then she said on a more seriously note “You should be so proud of yourself for raising a daughter that is so responsible, confident and respectful of others.” She added “These things can’t be taught at school.”

       As I left the store that day I thought to myself although me and husband certainly weren’t perfect parents we did a pretty good job raising our Nikki! 

       I am one proud mommy!

 

   Nikki and Me
    

The Princess Who Drank Too Much

  My older sister has had a long history with alcholism. I tried to help her with her problem but I simply couldn’t get through to her. She denied her problem and I continued in my late teens driving her to several bars the night after a major binge because she was so drunk the night before she didn’t remember where she left her car. At least she somehow got home safely and didn’t get behind the wheel. 

 
     It was only a matter of time before her luck would run out and it did.

      I owned a clothing boutigue in Roslyn and it grossed over a million dollars in sales the first year I opened the store at the young age of 23. Since my store was so successful my older sister left her teaching job and joined my staff. I was against the whole idea but had no choice since my mom was the president of my corporation. 

     It started out fine for the first few weeks. Then I noticed my sister was slurring her words when she spoke to customers every now and then.  The problem esculated and my manager Jody who worked with my sister on my days off and she told me that my sister was getting too out of control and the customers were starting to notice.

      One rainy night jody offered to drive my sister home because she was extemely drunk and could barely walk. Of course my sister told her she was fine and to mind her own business. 

       On the 2 mile ride to our house her car skidded and she hit a telephone pole. Me being newly married got the call from my frantic parents who told me to meet them at the hospital. The first things I saw when I found my sister’s room was that she had a bloody lip and to my horror was hancuffed to the hospital bed. My sister motioned me to come to her and whispered to me to take her handbag out of the room. 

    As I passed my father who was crying to the police officers who happened to know my family because our house alarm that was connected to the police station was always going off. He was begging them not to take her to jail that night after the plastic surgeon treated her lip. 

     My mom most of noticed how I was trying to pass the police holding my sister’s large handbag and she quickly joined me when I managed to sneak it out of the room. She followed me to the ladies room and we found in her bag a half full bottle of vodka which we opened and poured the rest down the drain. Then we saw a large trash can and tried to bury the huge bottle under hundreds of paper towels we pulled from the dispenser. 

      I felt like I was aiding a felon but family love was always unconditional in my life and me and my mom just had to take care of my sister even if meant hiding the evidence. 

       My father managed to save my sister from going to jail that night and took her home .  She had to appear in court a few days later and since it was her first offense they pleaded her case down to driving while impaired.

         I on the otherhand was so traumatized by the experience from that night on if I have more than obe drink I will not get behind the wheel. 

    Unfortunately my sister didn’t learn from that night and got 2 more DWI’s s and even lost her teaching license. 

     Do not drink and drive!!!!!!!!!! 
 

       

Don’t Mess With This Queen

  
   I have been involved in so many relationships with toxic people who tried to change or ruin me. 

   Sometimes people just want to see a princess get knocked off her throne because they are so envious of someone who seems to have it all. 

      Truth is I have had a much tougher life than most people know. 

     So don’t mess with this princess, I  am a force to be reckoned with. 

  

    This Queen is a survivor wno is in charge of her own destiny. 

  






Sexual Abuse Is Not A FairyTale 

When I was in my teens I made my first gynocologist appointment because I had a serious boyfriend and wanted to go on the pill. Since I came from a strict family I was too afraid to tell my mother or ask her advice on what local doctor I should see. I was young and scared so I decided I wanted to see a female doctor and found one online. I told nobody about my appointment and went to this doctor myself. She seemed friendly and knew right away by my nervous composure I had never had a internal vaginal exam. I remember she tried to tell me the exam was “No big deal, ” with a smile. I remember putting my legs in the stirrups and feeling very uncomfortable. She inserted her finger and then some kind of metal object into my vagina. It felt extremely painful and even though it was my first vaginal exam my I thought to myself that something about this exam was just not right. After what seemed like forever the exam was finally over. The doctor had this weird look on her face as she told me to get dressed. When I got off the table and stood up I doubled over in extreme pain. I thought to myself the vaginal pain was probably normal since it was my first exam. I drove home with my prescription for the pill and couldn’t stop my gut instict telling me I was sexually violated. A few weeks later I was having lunch with a friend of mine who told me over lunch about her recent visit to her gynocologist. Her story was almost exactly identical to my experience. I then asked her the name of her doctor and was sick to my stomach when I found out she saw the same female gynocologist I saw. My friend and I were both sexually abused by the same woman. We went together and filed police reports and we were told that they would look into the matter but informed us most likely nothing could be done about the compliants because we had no physical evidence she had sexually violated us. A few weeks passed and my friend told me that her father, who happened to be a cardiologist, looked into the matter after she decided to tell him about the still very traumatic experience. He found out at least twenty other young women also filed reports with local police that they were sexually violated by this doctor. We all had one thing he noticed in common, it was all our first experience being vaginally examed, and that was very disturbing the fact just how many others like ourselves were also victims of a sexual crime and never knew it! He then filed a formal complaint the state medical board. After a formal long investigation, the woman gynocologist who sexually abused so many young women had her medical license revoked. Over twenty years later I told my 17 year old daughter, who I suspected is sexually active, that when she is ready to see a gynocologist for the first time I would make all the arrangements and go with her. She smiled and replied “Of couse I will mommy I tell you everything.” The point I am trying to make is maybe my still sexually traumatic experience could have been avoided if I had the type of mother I could have confided in about my sexual issues. If you have daughters my advice is tell them never to be afraid to confide in you about anything. I can’t change what happened to me but I can make sure my two teenage daughters never have to go through what I did.
  

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Beauty Queen

   
 
       It’s always nice to be called beautiful from a friend or family member. It’s a ego booster because most of us especially in our late teens and twenties has a thing or two about their image they see in the mirror.
        Most young women fixate on any tiny flaw they think they have. My daughter who is fourteen complains her hair is not long enough and an occassional zit will never go away. She thinks a little baby fat is ruining her life. My daughter who at age 14 can apply makeup like a professional makeup artist and can straighten her hair so perfectly , thanks to watching beauty video bloggers on YouTube , thinks like most teens that being beautiful on the outside is all people notice. She will learn this lesson just the way I did. 
I started to obsess on being beautiful when I got my first job in a posh North Shore Boutique. The lady who interviewed me immediately noticed my outgoing personality and hired me on the spot. The new boutique opened a few weeks later and I was a size 8 and felt obese because everyone else was a size 2 or 4. To make matters worse I had to wear the store’s clothing and barely nothing fit me. When I was working I also had to stare at my myself all day because the store’s walls were completely covered in mirrors. My confidence was at a all time low. 
A few weeks later my boyfriend who just transferred to Syracuse University sent me a letter telling me we should see other people. Of course I thought he wanted to breakup with me because I was not as beautiful as the girls on his campus. Thats when I took matters into my own hands and lost 30lbs just in a few months.
    Suddenly, I was getting attention and was being called “beautiful” by my co-workers and even complete strangers. It was a “high” I never experienced. 
    My boyfriend came home that Thankgiving and noticed immediately how much I changed. He asked me to go with him to a club to meet his Fraternity friends who I heard from a girlfriend were a bunch of spoiled popular assholes . My boyfriend obviously wanted to suddenly show off his till now invisible girlfriend. 
    The next night as soon as I entered the small popular hangout in the north shore town of Roslyn, I started getting looks from most of the guys. My boyfriend was so proud to introduce me to his Frat brothers who made comments to him like how did get such a hot girl like me. 
    My boyfriend was elated as we left the club and as we walked to the car he said to me “All my friends thought you are so beautiful and so do I.” Then he added as he was about to open the car door he said “I love you.” 
   He never uttered those three little words to me before. In fact , it was the first time any guy told me that he loved me. I suddenly felt my heart sink and held back my tears. It was at that moment I realized being called beautiful doesn’t mean anything if it comes from someone you don’t love. I broke up with him a week later. 
  I grew up that night and realized being called beautiful by somebody that loves me for who I am inside and out is the only person I will believe. 
   And a short while later I found “that” guy . 
     
     
            
     

   

“Smiling has always been easier, than explaining why you are Sad”

“Smiling has always been easier, than explaining why you are Sad”

I totally can relate to this beautiful post you wrote. Perfectly said!!!

Ankit Mishra

People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows, know one knows after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head- the mind – the numbing cocktail of anger and sadness & guilt. They just don’t know. So you pretend & say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And it makes everyone feels better. But does it change your feeling? Your pain goes away? Your smile becomes genuine?

The answer is No,We all have chapters we would rather keep unpublished. Why you believe in faking a smile? Because its very tough for you to explain to each one of them, that how bad you feel, the nights which you cried and the loneliness.

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