Tag: strong women

Sexual Abuse Is Not A FairyTale 

When I was in my teens I made my first gynocologist appointment because I had a serious boyfriend and wanted to go on the pill. Since I came from a strict family I was too afraid to tell my mother or ask her advice on what local doctor I should see. I was young and scared so I decided I wanted to see a female doctor and found one online. I told nobody about my appointment and went to this doctor myself. She seemed friendly and knew right away by my nervous composure I had never had a internal vaginal exam. I remember she tried to tell me the exam was “No big deal, ” with a smile. I remember putting my legs in the stirrups and feeling very uncomfortable. She inserted her finger and then some kind of metal object into my vagina. It felt extremely painful and even though it was my first vaginal exam my I thought to myself that something about this exam was just not right. After what seemed like forever the exam was finally over. The doctor had this weird look on her face as she told me to get dressed. When I got off the table and stood up I doubled over in extreme pain. I thought to myself the vaginal pain was probably normal since it was my first exam. I drove home with my prescription for the pill and couldn’t stop my gut instict telling me I was sexually violated. A few weeks later I was having lunch with a friend of mine who told me over lunch about her recent visit to her gynocologist. Her story was almost exactly identical to my experience. I then asked her the name of her doctor and was sick to my stomach when I found out she saw the same female gynocologist I saw. My friend and I were both sexually abused by the same woman. We went together and filed police reports and we were told that they would look into the matter but informed us most likely nothing could be done about the compliants because we had no physical evidence she had sexually violated us. A few weeks passed and my friend told me that her father, who happened to be a cardiologist, looked into the matter after she decided to tell him about the still very traumatic experience. He found out at least twenty other young women also filed reports with local police that they were sexually violated by this doctor. We all had one thing he noticed in common, it was all our first experience being vaginally examed, and that was very disturbing the fact just how many others like ourselves were also victims of a sexual crime and never knew it! He then filed a formal complaint the state medical board. After a formal long investigation, the woman gynocologist who sexually abused so many young women had her medical license revoked. Over twenty years later I told my 17 year old daughter, who I suspected is sexually active, that when she is ready to see a gynocologist for the first time I would make all the arrangements and go with her. She smiled and replied “Of couse I will mommy I tell you everything.” The point I am trying to make is maybe my still sexually traumatic experience could have been avoided if I had the type of mother I could have confided in about my sexual issues. If you have daughters my advice is tell them never to be afraid to confide in you about anything. I can’t change what happened to me but I can make sure my two teenage daughters never have to go through what I did.
  

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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

My mother told me more than once I changed everything about myself when I started my first p/t working in a posh upscale north shore boutique.
She was partially right. The two thirty something owners were both tiny, clever and very intimidating. I was totally shocked when “Dina” a size 2 petite brunette hired me after my interview.
Still lacking confidence in myself and my looks, which radically changed through my teens. My facial disease seemed to go into remission when i was about 14 and every month since then I was getting silicone shots to “fix” the damage to my face. Unlike botox and other modern fillers where you see instant results, silicone was administered in very little amounts each month and it took years and over 100,000 dollars until nobody noticed anything was wrong with my face. Everyone but me. Going through the trauma of being told I was going to die by the age of 15. the sheer terror of people staring at me and going through adolescence with a facial deformity was always going to be part of who I was forever. I scars were now almost invisible but I was and still am scared forever.
Sometimes good things come out of very bad experiences. I believe everything happens for a reason.
I learned that “looks” are not what truly make you beautiful. I was a absolutely gorgeous child and even was scouted by Ford Models at age 5 while walking with my dad in NYC.
Suddenly anyone at anytime can lose their “looks” like me. It happens. I depended on my family, friends, my outgoing personality, my love of playing the violin and tennis to get through the hardest years of my life.
Suddenly I realized It was time to look in the mirror again. Ironically I had no choice, the entire store’s walls were completely mirrored, lol.
I guess this was a sign from God that it was time to look to the future and leave the past behind.
That’s exactly what I did…..

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